Hey friend. I know why you’re here, and I just want to say first that I see you. Whatever brought you to this moment, whatever pain you’re carrying right now, it’s real and it matters. Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things we ever have to do as humans. It goes against every instinct we have, doesn’t it? We want to hold on, to fight, to make it work somehow. But sometimes, love isn’t enough. Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do for ourselves (and for them) is to let go.
I’m not going to tell you this will be easy. I’m not going to promise you’ll wake up tomorrow feeling brand new. But I will walk you through this with you, because I’ve been there too, and I know that even in the deepest pain, there’s a path forward. So grab a cup of tea, get comfortable, and let’s talk about how to release someone you love, even when every part of you wants to hold on tighter.
Feel Everything Without Judgment
First things first. You need to let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling right now. Sad? Angry? Relieved? Guilty about feeling relieved? All of it is okay. There’s this pressure in our culture to “stay strong” or “move on quickly,” but honestly, that’s garbage advice. Your heart is processing a real loss, and you need to give it space to grieve.
Cry in the shower. Scream into a pillow. Journal until your hand cramps. Whatever helps you process these emotions, do it. The feelings you resist tend to persist, you know? When you try to stuff them down or pretend they’re not there, they just leak out in other ways. Maybe you snap at your coworker, or you can’t sleep, or you find yourself crying at random commercials. Let the feelings move through you instead of getting stuck inside you.
And please, please don’t judge yourself for how you’re feeling or how long it’s taking. There’s no timeline on heartbreak. Someone might tell you that you should be over it by now, but they’re not living in your heart. You are. Trust your own process.
Accept That It’s Really Over
This one is brutal, I won’t lie. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with it or that you agree with it. It just means you stop fighting reality. You stop thinking “maybe if I just…” or “what if I had…” or “perhaps they’ll change their mind.” Those thoughts keep you trapped in a loop, always looking backward or sideways instead of forward.
Acceptance is saying, “This is what is happening. I don’t like it, but this is the reality.” It’s pulling your energy back from all those hypothetical scenarios and what-ifs. Because here’s the thing: while you’re busy replaying the past or imagining alternate futures, you’re not actually present in your own life.
Try saying it out loud, even if it hurts. “It’s over. We’re not together anymore.” Sometimes we need to hear ourselves say it to really believe it. And yes, you might need to say it a hundred times before it sinks in. That’s okay too.
Cut the Cords (Yes, Even on Social Media)
I know this sounds harsh, but you’ve got to create some distance. And in today’s world, that means unfollowing, muting, or even blocking them on social media. I can already hear you protesting, “But we said we’d stay friends!” or “I don’t want to seem petty.” Listen, you can be friends later, maybe, if that’s what you both truly want. But right now? You need space to heal.
Checking their Instagram at 2am to see if they’re out having fun without you? That’s not helping you heal. Analyzing their cryptic posts for hidden messages? Torture. Seeing them in your feed living their life while you’re still in pieces? Absolutely not.
Delete their number if you need to. Put away photos and gifts. You’re not erasing them from your history, you’re just making room to breathe without constant reminders. Think of it like trying to let a cut heal while someone keeps poking it. You need to stop poking the wound.
Rediscover Who You Are Without Them
When we love someone deeply, we often merge with them in ways we don’t even realize. Maybe you started watching shows you didn’t really like, or gave up hobbies that mattered to you, or changed little parts of yourself to fit better together. Now is the time to come back to yourself.
What did you love before you met them? What dreams did you put on hold? What parts of yourself did you quiet down? This is your chance to turn the volume back up on your own life. Take that class you’ve been thinking about. Reconnect with old friends. Try something completely new that they never would have been interested in.
This isn’t about proving anything to them or showing them what they’re missing. This is about remembering that you are a whole, complete person all by yourself. You existed before them, and you’ll exist beautifully after them. Your life isn’t a story about them with you as a supporting character. You’re the main character, always have been.
Build a Support System and Actually Use It
You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, you shouldn’t do this alone. Reach out to the people who love you. Tell them you’re struggling. Let them bring you soup and sit with you in silence or distract you with stupid videos. Let them remind you that you’re loved, even when the love you lost feels like the only one that mattered.
And if your friends and family aren’t enough (and sometimes they’re not, and that’s completely normal), consider talking to a therapist. There’s no shame in getting professional help to navigate heartbreak. Sometimes we need someone who’s trained in this stuff, someone who can give us tools and perspectives we wouldn’t find on our own.
Join a support group if that feels right. Connect with others who are going through similar experiences. There’s something powerful about being around people who just get it, who don’t need you to explain why you’re crying over a song or a smell or a random Tuesday.
Stop Waiting for Closure
Here’s a hard truth: closure is mostly a myth. We think if we could just have one more conversation, if they could just explain it better, if we could understand why it didn’t work, then we’d be able to move on. But closure doesn’t come from them. It comes from you.
You might never get the explanation you deserve. They might not be able to articulate why they fell out of love, or they might give you reasons that don’t make sense, or they might just ghost completely. And as unfair as that is, you can’t let the absence of their closure keep you stuck.
Give yourself closure. Write them a letter you never send. Have an imaginary conversation where you say everything you need to say. Create your own ritual of ending. Light a candle and then blow it out. Write their name in the sand and watch the waves take it away. Sounds cheesy maybe, but rituals help our brains process endings.
Forgive Them (and Yourself)
Forgiveness is tricky because people think it means saying what happened was okay. It doesn’t. Forgiveness is releasing yourself from the prison of resentment. It’s deciding that you’re not going to carry anger and bitterness into your future. Those feelings are heavy, and they’ll wear you down if you carry them too long.
Forgive them for hurting you, for not being who you needed them to be, for breaking promises, for all of it. Not because they deserve it, but because you deserve peace. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting them to get sick. It doesn’t work that way.
And forgive yourself too. Forgive yourself for staying too long, for ignoring red flags, for loving too much or too hard. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the relationship. Forgive yourself for not being perfect. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. That’s all any of us can ever do.
Create New Patterns and Routines
One of the hardest parts of a breakup is that everything reminds you of them. Your morning routine, your favorite restaurant, that drive you took together, the playlist you shared. Your whole life is booby-trapped with memories. So you need to intentionally create new patterns.
Take a different route to work. Find a new coffee shop. Make new playlists. Rearrange your furniture. These might seem like small things, but they help your brain understand that this is a new chapter. You’re not just living in the ghost of your old life together. You’re building something new.
Start a new hobby that’s just yours. Maybe it’s painting or rock climbing or learning to cook Thai food. Something that has no connection to them whatsoever, something that’s a fresh start. Every time you do this new thing, you’re proving to yourself that life goes on, that new joy is possible, that you’re capable of growth and change.
Be Patient With Your Progress
Healing isn’t linear. You’re going to have good days and bad days. You might feel fine for a week and then suddenly you’re crying in the grocery store because they’re playing “your song.” You might think you’re over it and then have a dream about them that throws you right back into the grief.
This doesn’t mean you’re failing at moving on. This is just how healing works. It’s messy and unpredictable and sometimes it feels like you’re taking two steps forward and three steps back. But you’re still moving. Even the setbacks are part of the process.
Be as patient and gentle with yourself as you would be with your best friend going through this. You wouldn’t tell them to just get over it already or that they’re being too sensitive. You’d tell them it’s okay, that they’re doing great, that healing takes time. Give yourself that same compassion.
Open Yourself to the Possibility of New Love
I know, I know. Right now the idea of loving someone else might seem impossible or even nauseating. That’s totally normal. You don’t have to rush into anything. But at some point, when you’re ready, try to leave the door open just a crack for the possibility that you could love again.
This doesn’t mean finding a rebound or trying to fill the void they left. It means not closing yourself off completely. It means not deciding that because this love ended, all love will end, or that you’re broken, or that you’ll never feel that way again.
The truth is, you will love again. It’ll be different. It might be even better. But you have to be willing to be vulnerable again, to risk your heart again, even though you know now how much it can hurt. That takes courage, but I believe you have it in you.
Remember Why You’re Letting Go
On the hard days (and there will be hard days), remind yourself why you’re doing this. Maybe they weren’t treating you right. Maybe you wanted different things. Maybe the love was there but the compatibility wasn’t. Maybe it was just time, and neither of you did anything wrong, but it still needed to end.
Write down your reasons if you need to. Keep them somewhere you can read them when you’re tempted to reach out or when you’re romanticizing the past. Our minds have this sneaky way of forgetting the bad parts and only remembering the good when we’re missing someone. Keep yourself honest about the reality of the situation.
You’re letting go because staying was hurting you. You’re letting go because you deserve more. You’re letting go because sometimes love isn’t enough and that’s a painful truth but it’s still true. You’re letting go because holding on was keeping you from living.
Trust That You’re Going to Be Okay
I can’t promise you when the pain will ease. I can’t tell you exactly how long it’ll take or what the path will look like. But I can promise you this: you’re going to be okay. Not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually.
One day you’ll realize you went a whole morning without thinking about them. Then a whole day. Then you’ll hear a song that used to wreck you and you’ll just smile at the memory instead of crying. You’ll meet someone new and feel that flutter of possibility. You’ll laugh genuinely again. You’ll feel like yourself again, but a newer, wiser version who survived this and came out stronger.
The person you’re becoming through this pain is going to be pretty amazing. You’re learning about your own resilience, your capacity to feel deeply, your strength to walk away from what isn’t serving you. These lessons, as painful as they are to learn, are shaping you into someone who knows their worth and won’t settle for less.
Related Post: 12 Ways to Respect Yourself and Why It Matters
Conclusion
So here we are, friend. I wish I could tell you there’s a shortcut, a magic spell, a perfect thing to say that would make letting go painless. But you already know there isn’t. Letting go of someone you love is hard work. It’s daily work. It’s choosing yourself over and over again, even when it hurts, even when you don’t want to.
But here’s what I want you to know: you’re not alone in this. Millions of people have walked this path before you and millions will walk it after you. Somehow, impossibly, they survived. They healed. They loved again. They built beautiful lives from the rubble of their broken hearts. And you will too.
Be kind to yourself through this. Feel your feelings. Take your time. Lean on people who love you. And trust that even though you can’t see it right now, there’s so much good waiting for you on the other side of this pain. Your story isn’t over. This is just one chapter, and you’re the one holding the pen for what comes next.
You’ve got this. I believe in you. And one day, you’ll look back on this moment and be so proud of yourself for having the courage to let go and choose your own happiness. Until then, just take it one day at a time. That’s all anyone can ask of you.
Sending you so much love and strength. You’re going to make it through this. I promise.